[PHOTOS] Rude And Hurtful Things People In The US Have Said To These Adopted Sisters
"I have tried to explain to my daughters that people do not say these things to be mean, they say them out of ignorance, which is why I am sharing some of them. Words are powerful, they can become tools or weapons, choose to use them wisely."
By Sadho Ram — 02 Mar 2014, 06:08 PM — Updated about 10 years ago
When Kim Kelley-Wagner adopted two little girls from China, now aged 13 and 7, she never imagined that her family would attract much (negative) attention
When Kim Kelley-Wagner adopted two children from China, she didn't expect that others from The United States would be rude, mean or dismissive about the adoption, her children, or the fact that the girls were adopted from a different country.
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She quickly learned, however, that even when people weren't being intentionally hurtful, that they were making off-hand comments that were insulting
"The comments began right from the start," Kelley-Wagner says. "We would be shopping, and cashiers or store clerks would say things like, 'How much did she cost?' or 'You could have bought a car for what it probably cost to adopt her.'
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I would answer, 'Are you interested in adoption?' If they said no, I'd say, 'Why are you asking?' My response made them consider the impact of their words and sometimes they apologized."
It's great that some apologized (and you can bet some people probably got huffy and just said "well, it's the truth!"), but it shouldn't take a gentle reprimand to make people consider what they're about to say before they say it.
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So instead of shrugging these comments off, Kelley-Wagner created a photo project with her daughters showcasing some of the hurtful things she and her two daughters have heard regarding adoption. She writes on Facebook:
I have tried to explain to my daughters that people do not say these things to be mean, they say them out of ignorance, which is why I am sharing some of them. Words are powerful, they can become tools or weapons, choose to use them wisely.
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Kelley-Wagner's photo series is both heartening and hopeful, providing ample food for thought about the things we say and how we choose to say them
The comments directed at her younger daughter, Meika, who has special needs are especially cruel
When Kelley-Wagner asked her daughters to make a list of the hurtful things that have been said to them, the girls remembered things that their mother didn't, making it clear that the comments were staying with them
Fortunately, Kelley-Wagner says that despite the comments her daughters "have never questioned their place in our family or felt out of place." And to those who feel the project is exploitative, Kelly-Wagner has this to say:
"Yesterday, a woman online said that my project was a parental fail," says Kelley-Wagner. "But I want my kids to be aware of the ignorance in the world so they'll know how to handle it."
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She admits that it can be hard for her to stay calm at times; she doesn't want her children to respond rudely but instead to make the other person think. "My advice to them is, leave your offenders speechless," she says.
Liliana is learning — recently, a couple approached the family and the woman remarked, "I couldn't love someone I didn't give birth to," to which Lily cleverly responded, "Oh, did you give birth to your husband?" before walking away. "I was proud of her," says Kelley-Wagner.
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Here are several of the photos from the project from Kelley Wagner's Facebook page:
