7 Types Of People Who Could Totally Pass Off As Secret Agents
1. Asian mothers because they ALWAYS FIND OUT and they know everything. EVERYTHING.
Why they could possibly be one: We believe asian moms are part of a giant network working together with other asian mums. How else would they be able to know who got the highest math scores in class, or how they found out you ponteng class to go to Atria Shopping centre instead. On top of that, they seem to be good at finding things normal people won't be able to find. If you tried to find her coin purse after rummaging through her handbag three times, she whips it out with one clean swipe. That's true spy stuff right there.
Secret agent role: Intelligence and interrogation.
2. The teh tarik man because they are precision masters. They never, EVER miss.
Why they could possibly be one: Pouring teh tarik may seem like a simple task but a closer look reveals that you need to have extremely good hand-eye coordination, dexterity, and precision. Every "pull" has to be calculated properly, so not a single drop of tea is wasted. Teh tarik sellers are precision masters, artists in their own right. Never ever mess with them because they never, EVER miss.
Secret agent role: Marksmen and retrieval experts.
3. The hawker uncle because he knows how to handle the heat...
Why they could possibly be one: The hawker uncle down by the street may serve the best char kway teow but it could simply be a well-played decoy for daily training with fire and sharp objects. Day in and day out, he starts by chopping scallions, vegetables, and kilograms of meat to hone his skills with cleavers. The wide range of utensils makes him well-versed with all types of versatile weapons no matter how "harmless" it may be.
Secret agent role: Weapon specialist.
4. The local security guard because he knows your every move, and more!
Why they could possibly be one: Without fail, at least two security guards stand in front of the small pondok with the orange cone to keep the perimeters safe daily. With a wave of a hand, you pass by "easily", thinking to yourself that the security is a joke. Do NOT be fooled. They have been watching you and hundreds of other faces - memorising your habits, clothing, and known associates. Don't let that belly fool you, they're tough alright. After all, they're trained to handle that baton better than you.
Secret agent role: The muscle and surveillance.
5. The taxi driver because they know the BEST way in and out of the city, even during a traffic jam
Why they could possibly be one: The notorious local taxi driver may not have plenty of fans but no one can deny that they are professional navigators of the urban jungle that is Malaysian roads in unpredictable and stressful traffic. From taking shortcuts, making their OWN shortcuts, and zig-zagging through the slow lanes, flying to the airport in 30 minutes - all important qualities a spy should possess.
Secret agent role: Logistics and transport.
6. The doctor, who only makes sure a select group understands his (ill)"legible" writing
Why they could possibly be one: Okay, it's a pretty obvious fact that doctors treat and diagnose sicknesses but it's even more obvious that every doctor is a master encryptor and code breaker. Thanks to years of training in med school, what used to be legible handwriting is possibly the hardest, most painful thing to decipher and read. There's a reason why a doctor's handwriting can only be read by another doctor. Think about it...
Secret agent role: Encryptor and codebreaker.
7. The Dota kid at the cyber cafe because he'll find 101 strategies to destroy you easily
Why they could possibly be one: You'll always see one kid in his school uniform at a corner in the cyber cafe playing DOTA. He spends hours in the cybercafe picking his heroes, typing furiously on his keyboard, rallying his teammates, and taunting his enemies without breaking a sweat.
To up his game, he learns strategies on YouTube, reads guides and at times, downloads mods to help him with his game. Though this may seem like a waste of time (especially to the asian mum up there), the DOTA kid is in fact THE perfect strategist and computer expert. He'll banish armies and foil the enemy's plans with a single click. Don't mess with this kid.
Secret agent role: Strategist or computer hacker.
You can be as nimble as the hawker man, as knowledgeable just like an asian mom, or you could be as suave like The Man From U.N.C.L.E, coming soon to theatres near you