11 Things We Think Will Happen If The 'Kingsman' Were Malaysian

"Manners maketh man" = "Budi bahasa budaya kita".

  • Cover image via SAYS
  • The 'Kingsman' sequel has brought upon a revelation - the super secret British spy agency has an equally super secret "cousin" in America!

      • Yep, they wear cowboy hats and swing lassos around. Can't get more American than that.
    • So... does this mean there's a non-governmental sanctioned spy network in every country? WE'RE INTRIGUED.

  • That got us thinking - what would it be like if Malaysia had their own super secret spy organisation à la Kingsman? We have a few ideas:

  • 1. The agents will have code names inspired by legendary pahlawans like Hang Tuah, Hang Jebat, Hang Lekir, Hang Lekiu, and Hang Kasturi

    • Much like how Kingsman agents have code names from King Arthur's legendary knights, the Malaysian chapter models its code names after the region's bravest and most renowned warriors of old too.

  • 2. "Manners maketh man" are words to live by for the Kingsman. We have an equivalent too, and it's one every Malaysian has known since childhood:

  • 3. The baju Melayu is a modern Malaysian gentleman's armour

      • Photo of Shaheizy Sam in baju Melayu for illustration purposes only. Also, he looks really good in a baju Melayu you guys.
    • You may not be able to see it, but underneath the songket is a hidden cache of more weapons. :D

  • 4. Our agents don't need oxfords nor brogues when they can just rely on these super tahan lasak made-in-Malaysia rubber shoes

    • These so-called 'adidas kampung' may not look as fancy, but they'll get the agents to where they need to be through rain or shine, muddy or mountainous terrains, without falling apart.

  • 5. Don't be fooled by the traditional keris. It's actually outfitted with a hi-tech dart gun loaded with stunners or poisonous darts at the underside of the hilt.

  • 6. Part of their training involves mastering the silat

  • 7. The agents prefer to move around in motorcycles because it's (a) faster, and (b) small enough for them to weave through traffic jams

  • 8. Every super secret spy organisation needs a super secret location to mask their world-saving activities. Coincidentally, we already have a tailor in Ipoh called King's Man Shop...

  • 9. Too similar to their British counterparts? Well, since food is every Malaysian's passion, how about a fancy cafe instead?

  • 10. Teh tarik is the drink of choice for Malaysia's super secret spies... but it has to be kurang manis or kosong because they gotta stay in shape. :p

  • 11. They're probably the reason why this government-issued SIM card hasn't triggered mass chaos yet

    • We kid, we kid. These things only happen in movies, not in real life, so don't you worry a hair on your head. It's probably just a SIM card... right?

  • Now, what do you think the Malaysian counterpart of Kingsman should be called? Drop your suggestions in the comments section below! ;)

  • 'Kingsman: The Golden Circle' is currently playing in cinemas nationwide

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