M'sians Share Their Situationship Stories For Valentine's Day Because What Is Love Anyway?

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"This guy reached out to me first. He shot his shot and I wasn't initially interested because I didn't want to be in a relationship. But I still gave this guy a chance, met up for dinner, and we hit it off! We both made it clear that we didn't want to be in a relationship. We kept texting and calling each other every day after that and we both flirted with each other. I went to sleep late because of him.

We did that for two months non-stop, then he started being distant and wouldn't call or ask to hang out. I confronted him about it and he said he was going through things. One night, he asked me if it's okay if we could take a step back and be friends....

I said no and wished him luck with everything. I realised I was too understanding to see that he actually didn't want to be in a relationship. If you're not ready to be in a talking stage with someone, don't lead them on and then break their hearts."

- Skye, age 24

"I'm in a situationship at the moment because the guy doesn't live in the same place as me and we're not sure if we can make LDR (long-distance relationship) work just yet. We agreed to be exclusive, so we're not seeing other people. I think if we're able to make LDR work, we might end up actually being in a relationship eventually.

Dating should be fun and not necessarily a 'this is it, this is the one' moment. It's taught me a lot about what I want and need in a significant other and it takes a lot of pressure off 'finding the perfect person for me'. You learn a lot about yourself in the process and I think that's something we all need sometimes."

- Hopefully not delulu, age 29

I matched with this guy on Bumble. He was cute, funny, and we hit it off on the chat immediately. Not long after, we met up within pandemic curfew hours, and we connected really well in person too. It seemed too good to be true but I brushed it off, thinking I'd hit jackpot, after dating many unfavourable guys.

He was always responsive to my texts and calls, readily available for date-nights whenever suggested, and made me feel better on a bad day. He even met my family. Eight months later, I asked him to define the relationship. His attitude changed — cold, abrupt, and non-responsive. He brushed off my question, saying he wasn't 'ready' to be in a relationship. My gut feeling told me there was something more, so I started doing some digging.

Turns out, he already had a girlfriend, whom he was living with her family, and essentially was mooching off them. I called him out on it, there were a bunch of sob stories, like how they were 'not working out' and that he was going to 'end things' with her once he found his own place.

I tried my best to ignore him for the next couple of months, until my resistance was futile. I broke my "no-contact" period, thinking we could reconcile (stupid of me, yes I know) from where we ended things. I thought he would change his mind. But when I was met with a situation that nearly cost my life, he did not even lift a finger to help.

After that situation, I came to my realisation that he's a manipulative, selfish a**hole and I did not want anything to do with him. Ever again."

- A baffled girl, age 32

"I've been in this situationship for a few years now. We were in a relationship for about five years previously before separating and getting back together as a situationship. I think being in a situationship helps with reducing the burden and expectations that come with being in a relationship. For example, I don't think that I am the boyfriend that she deserves (at the moment) but while I am striving for it, I get to enjoy her companionship while navigating our differences in values/wants/needs for the future.

We've spoken about it several times and we both came to an agreement that it is better for us until we see eye-to-eye on some of the values that we share. We both believe that we have the right guy/girl but it's just not the right time."

- Joshua, age 26

"He's my best friend that just happens to occasionally, casually be more. We met 15 years ago at work while we were both in relationships with other people. He got married, had a kid, and moved further away.

We kept in touch over the years, things got frisky, and then we went back to our respective relationships. It has always been a 'don't ask, don't tell' arrangement between us, the only things we shared about our respective relationships was that:

1. The wife knew three years in and has made threats.
2. I was engaged.
3. He got divorced last year.
4. I was no longer engaged.

I believe that we will never be a couple, and we have no reason to. I don't want us to ever get to a point where we couldn't even look at each other. There's a pride in knowing we outlasted each other's 'real relationship' and that we'll be in each other's lives for a long, long time."

- Ella, age 35

"I met a guy through mutual friends and we went out on one date after meeting a few times in a group setting. He had to fly abroad two days later to complete his studies. We ended up continuing to talk and call for about a month, and he led me on quite a bit — inviting me to travel to that particular country to spend time together. Towards the end of it, he pretty much friendzoned me because he 'couldn't manage doing long distance'. That wasn't fun, but I did end up going on holiday there anyway and had a blast lol."

- Ruu, age 24

"There was this girl, let's call her Sarah. She had this weird obsession with religion, like she had a hotline to the heavens or something. Everything was 'Praise' this or 'God' that. At first, it was kinda cute, but then it started getting old real quick.

I decided to call it quits. But oh boy, did Sarah have a surprise for me. She goes all, 'I still claim you as my boyfriend.' Claim? What is she, an ownership certificate?

Then, to make matters worse, she starts playing this game of emotional ping-pong. One minute she's all lovey-dovey, the next she's colder than a polar bear's toenails. And don't even get me started on the meetups. Suddenly, she's too busy to grab a coffee with me, but she's out gallivanting with everyone else.

And here's the kicker: she wouldn't even admit we were done. Nope, according to her, it's like we're on a 'break' or something, because apparently, three months isn't enough time to declare someone an ex. Talk about commitment issues.

So, I muster up the courage to ask her what the heck is going on. She drops the classic bomb: 'I haven't moved on from my ex yet.' But surprise, surprise, she's out there dating some other dude, and she's got the nerve to tell me she won't leave him. I swear, it's like watching a soap opera unfold in real life.

Turns out, I was just caught up in one of those typical 'situationships'. You know, the kind where nobody knows what the heck is happening, but everyone's too polite to ask. Well, consider me officially over it."

- Headache situationship, age 22

"I had the biggest crush on my best friend, who I've known since college days. We shared almost everything together, liking the same things and exploring everything together. We both know each other's friend circles. People thought we were together but we were just best friends.

During an anime event, someone asked if we were a couple. As usual, I would just say no, but he literally said, 'Yeah, we are!' I was shocked, but I did have feelings towards him so I didn't bother to ask further. We never labelled anything and went on like usual.

After two years going through what felt like was a relationship to me, I wanted to tell him how I felt about him. But before I could say it, he told me that I was like a big sister to him. I was brokenhearted but I finally found someone who, without a doubt, gave me the label of a relationship."

- A girl who's been big sister-zoned, age 33

"We were in a relationship for three years, and broke up two years ago. Within those two years, we were in between friends and dating. It was kinda on-and-off. He's supposed to get engaged, which was the reason for our breakup .

He's from a conservative family, there's difference in our culture and background. He tried talking to his family, but they're having none of it, to the point where they told him to choose between me or the family. I was willing to compromise, and even considered converting.

So here we are, hoping and praying there's a way, while keeping our situationship in the dark, but I suppose pouring this out here is a relief haha."

- HopelesslyDevoted, age 29

"I've known this guy since primary school but we got closer after secondary school. He studied in Egypt while I studied locally. Every semester break, he'd come back to visit his family and that was when we catch up. Long story short, we sort of got into a situationship.

Our feelings got deeper and I always hope (didn't stop hoping) that he'll choose me over any woman because I knew him for who he is in and out. The whole situationship started when we were 18 and ended when we were 30, and I never got the closure I wanted.

He brought me to meet his family, friends, cousins, et cetera. We went on dates, held hands, did all the couple thangs and still wouldn't be with me. I got sick of it all and asked him. He said it's not that he didn't want whatever we had to be real but he was afraid to lose me as a bestie. After all the time we spent, I'm just a bestie? Geez.

Last year, he finally got married and I didn't know I was significant in his life. He chose to be married on my birthday. lol."

- Sofia, age 32

"My first situationship was my first love. Had a major crush on this awesome dude in 2019. Confessed in 2020, he didn't give a yes/no answer so I took it as a no. A few months later, he told me that he "liked me, but didn't want to hurt me." I was just happy that he liked me back and we were in a situationship phase from that point. I was 'okay' with how things were going.

But after almost a year, I realised this wasn't what I wanted because I was super confused and finally caught on the whole situationship thing. We decided to meet to talk things out. I wanted to end things, and I thought that's that.

A week before my birthday, I found out that he already had a girlfriend for six months. I never felt more betrayed, but we were never a thing so that confused me again. Even after that obvious red flag, I still accepted him after the first 'breakup' or 'shakeup', as an article would call it. He broke up with his girlfriend and I was stuck in a situationship with him for the next two years.

Finally, we decided to "get it out of our systems" as he said, and be in an official relationship. It didn't even last for five months. He said that "the fire died". To me, he never loved me, he just wanted to get it out of his system. That breakup was what I needed to completely lose my feelings for him.

So remember girls/guys, no one is too busy for you if they truly love you, and you shouldn't feel like you're the only one trying to work at this relationship. Stop putting him on the pedestal — he's just the same as you and me."

- Harley, age 24

"I didn't know I was in a situationship until my friends pointed it out to me. A friend liked me. I was kinda attracted to her. She wanted us to begin an official relationship right away, but I refused because I thought we should test the waters first. I didn't want to ruin our friendship.

We kinda did everything a couple would. It worked out great... at the start. Eventually, she wanted us to be in a fully committed relationship. She got upset when I told her it was too soon and all. I realised it was because I didn't want to commit and didn't like her that much. I called it off. We are no longer friends.

I think getting into a situationship is great. But both parties need to be extremely clear with what they want from it. If you know they'd eventually want to get into a relationship or become too emotionally involved, but you're on the opposite end of it, I'd recommend thinking twice. Or else, both parties would end up hurt, huhu."

- Andrew, age 26 

"This guy was pretty sweet, had a good-looking smile, kinda tall and always knew what to say to make a girl's heart flutter. My friends always warned me that he's a red flag because of his flirtatious personality. 

When we're together in real life, his voice was always soft and sometimes he left brief touches on my hands or shoulder (its high school, so things like this are just bdksbsjsn). Though, this only pretty much happens when it's just the two of us. I've kinda noticed that he doesn't really treat me this way when his friends are around.

I didn't know if I was getting played. He'd asked me things like: "Did you miss me?", "Wish you were here." or "Do you wanna come over?" There were many hints along the way that insinuated he wasn't really into me, hints that I was oblivious to. Sometimes he could go days without texting me and I would just wait for his text. Now, I feel like a fool for rushing to him like a puppy wagging its tail every time his notification pops up. Whenever I texted first, he'd just respond dryly.

I finally mustered the courage to confront him about it. To my disappointment, what he said was his way of telling me he's not into dating. I could understand since we're still students, but it felt like I was just someone to spend his spare time with. But I'm really busy too and if I spend time with someone, it means they really mattered.

I’m glad I did the next smart thing. I just admitted I didn't like this and even though I had feelings for him, it's time to let go. We stopped calling and even texting, days in school where we saw each other actually became awkward and uneasy. I wanted to still stay friends but it's a little hard now. We'll just have to see how things go."

- Lemon, age 17

"We've been seeing each other for 16 months. We would go on dates at least twice a month due to our busy schedules. A year in, I decided to take her out for a trip to a cat expo, a collectors market, and to a pizza place she always wanted to go to. I decided that it was the right time to pop the question of whether we could move on to the next stage and actually be in a relationship.

But she said it wasn't the right time yet. I was confused, how could it not be the right time if we've already met each other's friend groups. Till today, we're still stuck in a situationship. I know it might be best to ask her again, but I'm scared it could push her away. If she's just gonna waste my time, please say so and break it off. I'm at the age where I'm tired of going through the process of meeting a new person all over again."

- Eric, age 30

"I was in a two-month situationship. I was studying overseas and met this guy online. We started seeing each other really quickly and discovered that we thoroughly enjoyed hanging out with each other. I was about to go back home in about a month's plus time due to my visa deadline and he frankly wasn't ready to be in a relationship. And so, I thought everything was going to be dandy and never intended to take him or the relationship seriously.

We spent a lot of time together and I realised how I had actually developed deep feelings for him. Weeks went by, I was about to fly overseas. He told me that he had 'fallen for me more than he had ever wanted to'. We agreed to continue see each other and try doing LDR.

However, as time passed, we realised that LDR wasn't for us and the time apart was difficult. It was sad but I guess, it's hard especially when you're still trying to get to know one another. That duration of time was one of my happiest and I'm thankful that he was part of it. I miss him every day and we don't really talk anymore. I still love him, not in a romantic way anymore but I hope that he's happy and wish only the best for him."

- Madeline, age 22