6 Random Thoughts About Finding Happiness

Happiness is not the best goal. Meaning is.

Cover image via Medium

I celebrated my 36th birthday recently

And since I was a lazy mofo and launched my blog on my birthday — it's also mr-stingy's 6th anniversary. Time for a quick reflection.

People know me for my money and (to a lesser extent) career articles. This isn't one of them. This one is about the end game — what you really wanna use your money and career for. The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Here's what I know about finding happiness.

1. Don't play status games

Status games are where we compete with others for achievements. Common status games are wealth (how much money do you have?), power (what’s your title?), and influence (how many followers do you have?)

It's hard to avoid status games because competition and comparison seem to be natural human behaviour.

But the less you compare with others, and the more you do things for yourself — internal motivation instead of external motivation — the happier you will be.

2. Learn when to say no

When you're young, it's great to explore many things. Have broad experiences, which gives you a good baseline to build success on.

But as you get older, you realise time is the most valuable thing. If you want an excellent life, you've gotta be clear about what really matters to you and what doesn't. Say NO to stuff that doesn't matter, so you can devote time to things that DO matter.

Even with stuff that matters, don't let it consume your entire life. I've experienced burnout multiple times because I was trying to pack my schedule with as many meaningful things as possible. I wasn't getting enough sleep, feeling anxious, and getting sick. What's the benefit if you win the whole world, but lose your health?

Sometimes the best thing to do is just chill.

Image via Lifehack

3. There is no best answer

An optimal decision for someone else might not make sense for you.

I used to spend tons of time reading "Top 10 Best" articles. Best this, best that. Because I wanted to win, and because I was looking for someone to tell me how.

It's okay to start off your journey following things like "10 Money Rules Every Young Person MUST FOLLOW."

But understand these are just general guidelines written by some smart marketer. Over time, you develop knowledge, experience, and wisdom that's special to you. Break the rules if it makes sense — chart your own course in life.

Because there is no best answer. But there’s a right answer for you.

4. Optimise for happiness

You can guess where the name "mr-stingy" comes from. I used to optimise for money: save costs in every way possible. But I've learned it's often better to pay for happiness.

This could be paying for time and convenience, or health, or quality, or even at times, luxury. (Granted, this works better when you're financially stable. And exactly how much you can afford is a topic for another day.)

The 25-year-old me used to sit in traffic jams because I was trying to save RM2 on tolls.

How valuable are 20 minutes stuck in a jam? How much are those 20 minutes worth if you could spend it on a relaxed dinner with someone you love? For me: definitely a lot more than RM2.

5.Gratitude is a superpower

One way of summing up happiness is this equation: Satisfaction = What you have/What you want.

A middle-class person who's satisfied with her simple family home is happier than a multi-millionaire who's jealous of Mark Zuckerberg's mansions.

Count your blessings, not what's lacking in your life.

6. Happiness is not the best goal. Meaning is.

I started with finding happiness. But there's a better life goal: meaning.

Because happiness is about creating good feelings and avoiding pain. But in life, you'll eventually face painful bad feelings. If you're just about being happy, ironically you'll end up sad.

A final example: If we're being calculative, marriage kinda sucks. It's freaking expensive, you have to put up with one person for the rest of your life (even on their crazy days), and there's always a risk of something going horribly wrong like ungrateful kids or divorce.

But if you put on the "finding meaning" lens, everything changes. Committing to someone (or something) gives you meaning — even if it's an up-and-down journey of happy moments and disappointments.

The most meaningful things in life all require some level of suffering and sacrifice. Don't avoid these.

Choose something worth suffering for.

Image via Medium

The full article originally appeared on

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