#AskASexologist: "Why Am I Always Dry Down There Even When I Feel Aroused?"
Dr Rachael Winston is a sexologist and sex therapist, and she's answering your questions!
By Laila Zain — 06 Oct 2022, 06:09 PM
Dr Rachael Winston, affectionately known as Dr Ray, is a sexual health practitioner and Centre Medical Director at MUC Healthcare, and she's answering your questions!
We sat down with Dr Ray to talk through some of the burning questions we received from readers via Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.
Look out for more articles in our Ask A Sexologist series on SAYS.
I often feel aroused, have a high sex drive, and want to be intimate with my husband, but I'm always so dry down there. Why am I not wet? Is it a medical problem?
"Well, vaginal dryness comes with age. So, the older you get, and if you rarely have sex, you tend to have vaginal dryness more often," starts Dr Ray.
She goes on to say that visuals tend not to be enough to sexually arouse women, and therefore it's normal to not get automatically stimulated just by looking at your husband. For women, the main sense they need in order to feel aroused is touch.
Men, on the other hand, are very much visual-driven, and get much of their stimulation just from sight.
As a result of this, men tend to get aroused much easier and faster than women (just by looking at their partner), while women take a longer time (needing to be touched in the right ways), and this may cause a woman to feel like she's "too dry".
The reality is that it takes each individual a different length of time to reach the same level of arousal.
In addition to age and arousal, other key factors include frequency of sex and stress
A woman who is not having sex on a frequent basis may find that she feels drier down there than usual. Whereas a woman having a consistent, regular sex life tends to "get into the mood" faster.
"Stress alone can cause vaginal dryness," says Dr Ray. "[When] you're also caught up with a lot of other things... you can have a little bit of dryness."
But a big part of vaginal dryness comes from your hormone cycle
According to Dr Ray, women tend to feel dry after their period ends every month.
She explains, "Premenstrual, you will not have vaginal dryness. That's why they always say your ovulation period is when the girl is most horny. Because they are basically always wet. [During this period] they're ovulating, so are easily aroused."
"This would be the best time to usually conceive or have a child. But after that is when the peak comes down."
Hormones play a huge role in the way women feel and act, physically, mentally, and emotionally.
"A hormonal imbalance gets women very agitated, very angry. But the right hormone balance gets them very loving," says Dr Ray. "For men, testosterone is either up or down. High testosterone, high libido. Low testosterone, low libido. It's a very simple figure for guys."
"But for girls, it's a combination between progesterone and estrogen. So if there is a wrong mixture at the wrong time, they can get agitated, they can get very irritated."
And it's that hormonal imbalance that can cause vaginal dryness.
So, what's the solution? Dr Ray says, if a woman still wants to have sex but is unable to get wet, there are numerous ways to help things along.
Dr Ray's first suggestion to combat dryness is to provide physical stimulation. From kisses and caresses, to oral sex and fingering. Remember, women are aroused by touch over other senses.
Should you still worry that you're too dry down there and are finding things difficult, Dr Ray advises using a warm, water-based lubricant.
Dr Ray is a sexologist and sex therapist. Follow her on Instagram to learn more about sexual health, and check out MUC Healthcare and Vibes Healthcare for more information.
Look out for more #sexualhealth stories and tips this month!
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