Mother Recounts The Heartbreaking Story Of How Her 11-Year-Old Son Committed Suicide
"I don't want him to have died in vain."
By Tang Ruxyn — 05 Feb 2018, 06:38 PM
An 11-year-old boy who was battling depression jumped off a condominium in central Singapore in November 2017
Evan Low suffered from clinical depression, and his mother, Doreen Kho, said that doctors had suspected that it might be genetic as depression span through three generations in the family.
Following his death, Doreen has opened up on Facebook about the incident and spoken to the media on depression and how the loss of her eldest child has affected her.
Doreen is known for securing the Singapore franchise of popular beauty company Korean cosmetic and skincare business, The Face Shop, and was its chief executive officer until she sold it three years ago.
"I don't want him to have died in vain. I want to justify his life, it was too short.
"I want people to be aware of depression, which is still a stigma. I want them to know it is nothing to be ashamed of because depression is as much an illness as cancer... I hope by talking about Evan's death, more people can be saved," Doreen was quoted as saying in the article 'It Changed My Life' series, which runs on The Sunday Times.
A day before Evan took his own life, he told his mother over a text message that his maths results were not good
Doreen did not suspect that anything was amiss then.
"I told him to try harder as it was his Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE) the following year. We ended the conversation with the usual 'I love you' and 'I miss you'. Everything seemed normal," she said.
On the day he threw himself off the 16th floor of the building, Evan told Doreen that there was no school and later revealed that something was stressing him out at school, when he was told that he shouldn't lie because school was in fact open as usual.
According to Doreen, Evan disappeared after telling the helper at home that he would wait at the ground floor of the condominium for his mother to take him to school
Doreen felt unsettled after she heard Evan closing the door. She quickly headed out to search for him with the family helper but couldn't find the boy.
The next time she saw him, she had to pick up his lifeless body - a memory which she can never erase.
As someone who wrestled with depression herself, Doreen noticed how her young son was displaying warning signs
She recognised the symptoms: Evan was putting on weight, getting more defensive while taking things too seriously, and he was also tearing up more often.
The 43-year-old mother revealed that Evan once wrote a note to her saying, "Help me, Mummy. I'm very lonely."
While friends had dismissed it and said that Evan was probably just going through puberty, she saw the signs and had her suspicions and brought him to a psychiatrist.
It was confirmed that Evan had depression, and the mental health professional also suspected that the young boy had Asperger's Syndrome.
After the diagnosis, the mother and son made a pact to get well together
At one point in time, Doreen had stopped taking her medication but she took them again for Evan's sake when he was diagnosed with clinical depression, as they promised to take their medications together dutifully.
Doreen recalled having a conversation with Evan who asked her, "Doesn't this mean false happiness?"
"He said it wasn't real happiness. But I told him we had to try," Doreen said.
Unfortunately, Doreen lost Evan to depression in the end.
Evan had a difficult start in life but he was loved by many
Rewind back to 2006 when Evan came along in Doreen's life, born as a premature baby at 27 weeks. Doreen, having gone through a difficult pregnancy, didn't even get to catch a glimpse of Evan as her newborn baby was pushed straight into the intensive care unit (ICU) then.
The doctor had warned Doreen that there was a possibility that Evan would have problems with his hearing, speech, and sight, while his lungs were in danger of collapsing.
Little Evan spent a month in the ICU and another month in the high dependency ward until he was well enough to go home.
"He was a fighter. When he came home, we were all so happy," Doreen recalled.
According to Doreen, Evan was not just the "prince" of the family but also cherished and loved by everyone at The Face Shop.
Evan was said to have exhibited mature qualities even at a young age and he was very affectionate
Doreen described her son as "selfless" for even when her child was wrestling with depression, he had a heart of gold as he wanted to make people around him feel happy.
She recalled him asking, "Mum, do you know why I started to draw comics?" to which he replied, "Because my comics will make people smile and laugh."
Doreen also recently revealed how she struggled with depression over the years and how it has affected her
The 'It Changed My Life' article revealed that Doreen lost her mother to stomach cancer when she was 14, and she grew up watching her father sitting and sobbing alone in the living room while he battled with depression.
When she was running The Face Shop business, she had to juggle between her duties as businesswoman and a mother, and was later diagnosed with depression.
"With the staff, I tried to be nurturing. With the children, I tried to be loving. And with business, I tried to be firm," she said.
Things turned for the worse when her intellectually disabled aunt whom she had been taking care of, drowned in a pool after a suspected heart attack.
There were multiple occasions when she had episodes of depression, and broke down at work and in front of her children.
Having lost her eldest son, Doreen is now focused on the taking care of her three other children, who are between the ages of six and 10
It was learned that Doreen is seeing a counsellor every week, as with her second child, who is said to have displayed signs of insecurity and would wake up from nightmares crying.
"What I took for granted, I don't anymore. I was with Evan that morning, and just like that, he was gone. Now, every hour, every minute with my children counts."