The Latest In Faith Technology To Cure Your Child's Masturbation Problem!
Save your children's soul, stop them from self-rape. And also because it's Random Wednesday.
By Mei Mei Chu — 11 Mar 2015, 02:52 PM
Fret not, your prayers have been answered. The saintly men and women at Stop Masturbation Now have created the Anti-Masturbation Cross®!
This device allows you to let go of that nagging suspicion that your innocent child is "treating their bodies like some kind of perverted amusement park"
"Parents, have you ever imagined your child masturbating? Do you worry what they do when your back is turned? Do you fear that they will fall into the grip of Satan?
Worry no more! Introducing the Anti-Masturbation Cross®!
Now discounted at $199.99, this miracle of modern Christian science is available at www.stopmasturbationnow.org."
stopmasturbationnow.org
Following the wildly popular Anti-Masturbation Cross®, the creators are also introducing the Anti-Masturbation Strait Jacket®!
Critics are calling it the latest in "faith-based self-rape prevention technology"
"Peace of mind is yours when you strap your little one into this miracle of modern faith science.
As Christians, the dangers of playing with your sin zones are clear: masturbation is an immoral, homosexual, incestual act that destroys families, infrastructure, and society. It ravages souls, enables secularism and sends people to Hell when they die. "
stopmasturbationnow.org
Protect your little ones from the scourge of self-rape! Get the Anti-Masturbation kit today!
One size fits all, appropriate for children ages 5-16.
Of course... not. Stop Masturbation Now.org is a satire website, and those anti-masturbation products are obviously not real.
But if you really have a masturbation addiction problem and are seeking help, please click here instead.
May God save your soul.