6 Reasons Why You Need To Stop Asking Couples Why They Aren’t Having Kids
''Still no kids ah?"
By Tamara Jayne
Living in Asia, sometimes we tend to get asked a lot of kepoh questions during family reunion dinners, birthday parties, and events
Here are a few reasons why we should probably stop asking young couples why they still don’t have kids:
1. Raising kids can be pretty expensive
Diapers, milk, clothes, and tuition fees may be some typical expenses. The couple may not have a current stable income and may be struggling financially.
Looking after a little person’s life may be too heavy a burden to bear at this point in time. Expecting otherwise may be damaging to the couple as well as in their capability to raise a family.
2. They may not be emotionally-ready yet
Some parents might say that you are never truly “ready” for parenthood and they’re probably right. However, parenting is a change of lifestyle and requires sacrifices that not everyone is able or willing to make.
As psychologist and family counsellor Marie Hartwell-Walker puts it, children should never be brought into the world because the parent needs love or to solve a problem.
“A child is there to be filled up emotionally, not the other way round.”
3. They may want to enjoy being newly married
Perhaps they would like to travel first or spend time fully investing into their marriage. The couple may have various reasons for the decisions they make. Besides, it is their marriage after all.
4. They may want to focus on other priorities for now
Even though the couple may be at a ‘prime age’ to have kids, not everyone is at a time in life where they want to focus on raising a family.
They may be saving up money to move house or renovate, their career may be a priority for now, or there might be other things that are crucial before starting a family.
5. They might be trying but it’s complicated
It might be pretty awkward to ask the question especially if the couple is trying to and are unable to. Worse still, if they have been trying for years and there are side issues such as health or age.
Not everyone is able to handle such a question if they are dealing with the disappointment themselves.
6. They may have had a miscarriage
Studies show that around 30-40% of all conceptions end in miscarriage. The couple may have had to deal with the trauma and grief of losing a baby, or worse still are currently facing it. Being insensitive to the situation may end up adding to their grief rather than helping them through it.
Couples not having kids may be because of different reasons – whether by choice or not
If they do end up having kids, you will eventually know. In the mean time, relax.
