Malaysian Who Spent 20 Years Caring For Sick Family Says He No Longer Recognises Himself
He started working at 17 to help pay off his family's debts. Two decades of medical emergencies later, he says caring for his parents and brother has taken a toll on his health and sense of self.
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A Malaysian man has opened up about the toll of two decades spent caring for his family, saying he now feels emotionally numb and no longer recognises who he's become
Writing to a popular digital agony aunt and advice column by the Malaysian Chinese entertainment and lifestyle portal XUAN, the Malaysian man said he started working in a factory at 17 to help ease his family's debts as his father's health declined. What began as a way to help out became a lifelong responsibility.
At 23, his mother suffered a stroke, prompting him to resign from his out-of-town job and return to Kluang without hesitation.
He said he took on the responsibility of supporting the household, paying for his mother's long-term treatment, medical bills, and daily expenses while continuing to work.
Just as life began settling down after years of rehabilitation, another blow arrived.
In 2017, his brother suddenly lost his eyesight due to diabetic retinopathy caused by poorly controlled diabetes.
The family made frequent trips between Kluang and Kuala Lumpur for surgeries and treatment, with one of his brother's eyes permanently losing its vision.
To keep up with the mounting expenses, he said he worked overtime, took on side jobs, and gave up almost all of his personal life.
Hoping to improve their financial situation, he started his own yong tau foo business in late 2018
However, he was forced to shut it down less than a year later after his brother was rushed to hospital and diagnosed with severe kidney failure requiring dialysis.
He later realised his brother had hidden the seriousness of his condition from the family.
The man spent three months caring for his brother in hospital before the COVID-19 Movement Control Order (MCO), only to lose his own job during the pandemic.
After finding work again, he continued pushing himself despite years of physical exhaustion.
Illustration image.
Image via Daniel Perron/Hans Lucas/AFPThe years eventually caught up with him
He developed bone spurs in his feet, suffered chronic lower back pain, underwent surgery for a herniated disc after falling down the stairs, and was later diagnosed with arrhythmia after experiencing persistent irregular heartbeats.
When medication could no longer control his condition, he was forced to resign from his job.
He said the combination of depression, insomnia, financial pressure, and caring for his family left him feeling like he had completely broken down.
Even now, the family's struggles haven't stopped
His mother was later diagnosed with a 16cm cyst and kidney stones that required surgery.
His father, whose health has been fragile for years, was later involved in a car accident and now needs a hip replacement.
According to the writer, the family's applications for treatment at a government hospital have been rejected four times. They are still trying.
The man himself also suffered a comminuted fracture in his hand following another accident.
Looking back on everything that has happened, he questioned whether many people go through a life like his or if he has simply been holding on for too long.
He said he has become withdrawn, rarely talks to people, often stares at messages without knowing how to reply, and feels emotionally numb.
"The current me feels like I no longer recognise myself… I don't know how much longer I can keep holding on."
