We Think These 7 Malaysians Would Be A Waaaaaay Better Twitter CEO Than Elon Musk
For legal purposes, this article is a joke. :P
By Hafiz Zainuddin — 12 May 2023, 06:55 PM
Elon Musk is stepping down as Twitter CEO.
During his tenure at the social media platform, he reportedly fired 80% of employees, shares dropped more than 11%, and there were a lot of crashes. Like a lot, a lot.
While the Twitterverse celebrates this musky departure, we couldn't help wonder who else would be a better CEO than the infamous tech tycoon. I mean, tbh, literally anyone would probs be better. But we put together a list anyway. :)
1. Ah Ma
Ah Ma is THE person. She's the one who makes sure everyone is getting wayyyy too much food, sleeping well, and staying healthy. Ah Ma never stops caring for the people around her, because it gives her great joy when they are being taken care off. As a CEO, employees under Ah Ma will never complain.
But beware, as nice as Ah Ma is, she is no pushover, and will not be afraid to nag and whack you if you do something questionable.
Special skills
- Warm and inviting
- Legendary cooking skills
- Master of all household-related matters
- Disciplinarian when she has to be
2. Phone Repair Uncle
Meticulous and unwavering in the face of malfunctioning gadgets, the phone repair uncle is always there to save the day. Whether it's an old Nokia 3310 or an iPhone 14 Pro, the favourite neighbourhood uncle will surely find a way to fix it one!
As a CEO, he would always find a way to troubleshoot problems and solve them.
Special skills
- Technical savant
- Meticulous
- Problem-solver
3. Chap Fan Aunty
Chap fan or economy rice is a staple food for Malaysians everywhere. It usually consists of an assortment of different dishes or 'lauk' that are mixed together with white rice.
But one of the most impressive things about the aunty behind the counter is her super fast calculations, and her ability to add up everything you put (or hide) on your plate without overcharging you.
This way, you know she will not overspend company budget as a CEO, but find a way to triple profits instead.
Special skills
- Attention to detail
- Super memory to remember the prices of all the lauk
4. Landlord
Wah this one. Never fail to chase after us at the end of the month to make sure we pay on time.
He's very kiasu, which means he always ensures that deliverables are allocated on time.
He can ensure that employees don't slack off and keep them on the right track.
Special skills
- Chase after you till the end of time
- Very calculative, knows how to keep costs low for highest ROI
- Can repair/fix almost anything
5. Kakak Cleaner
The kakak cleaner is detail-oriented, kind to everyone regardless of position in the company, and shows excellent skill in cleaning up other people's messes, even if people shouldn't be making those messes in the first place.
She can do it all. A top contender, indeed.
Special skills
- Organised
- Friendly
- Equipped with numerous skills
6. ChatGPT
ChatGPT, the ultimate AI. And yes, this bot is an honorary Malaysian. Possesses the knowledge of the universe in its entirety, yet still manages to tell you a joke if you ask it to.
Not to mention it can whip up an answer for you in a few seconds. Definitely dependable and not gonna turn evil. Nope. Not at all.
Special skills
- The most hip AI in the market right now
- Can work 24/7 without food, drink, or sleep
- Entertains all your ridiculous requests
7. Oyen
I mean... This is pretty self-explanatory. It's a CAT.
All it needs to do is meow, show who's boss, and the business will run smoothly.
Pure, feline magnificence.
Special skills
- Effortlessly adorable
- Brings you biscuits for free
