"I Still Look Over My Shoulder Today" — Malaysians Share Instances Where They Were Stalked

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According to Section 507A of the Malaysian Penal Code, a new sub-section added under Section 507 of the same legislation, stalking is defined as "any act of harassment, intending to cause, or knowing or ought to know that the act is likely to cause distress, fear, or alarm to any person or the person's safety".

In modern times, the term for this wrongdoing has evolved to include both physical stalking and cyberstalking.

Unfortunately for many Malaysians, this is a situation far too familiar. From days to months, years, and even decades, we recently spoke to regular people who graciously shared instances in their own lives where they had encountered a stalker who violated their personal consent.

While their stories may not be a situation any person should have to go through, they do shine as reminders to everyone of the importance in recognising the evolution of crimes.

Disclaimer: Some names have been changed to protect the privacy and identity of these individuals.

"I work as a salesperson for a Japanese car company in Malaysia, so communicating with strangers to get them to want to buy something from me is part of my job. There was an incident a few years ago where one guy came into our showroom and sought to get one of our most recently released cars.

"I entertained him for literally days but then I realised that he wasn't going to make a commitment so I tried to bugger him off. But he kept persistently reaching out to the point that I felt uncomfortable and straight up told him that if he wasn't going to get a car, I didn't have time.

"He didn't take this well and spammed me with calls and messages constantly. Finally, I decided to go to my human resources (HR) manager and inform her about what was going on. I'm grateful 'cause she took the issue seriously and threatened the guy with a lawsuit for harassing one of their workers.

"My advice to people who may work in similar lines is this: Your job should never make you feel unsafe, so don't allow yourself to be overcome because it's part of your so-called duties. Stand your ground and be bold enough to take action where and when necessary."

— Joy (she/her)

"So, I worked part-time at a bakery for one month when I was 14, and this guy, who was at least eight years older than me, was very flirty. Fast forward eight years later, when I started working already, he messaged me again on Facebook and asked to meet up, and even asked me to accompany him overseas. That's when I started to ghost him.

"He even got upset and told me to not be cold and give him a chance. Anyways, I was in a very quiet and empty mall one night, and we locked eyes — but I pretended to not know him.

"I kept walking away at first in the store, then to another store, but he kept following me from afar. I eventually called my sister and met up with her at another store. That was when he stopped following me."

— Kira (she/her)

"I had this really tight friend group in university, there were eight of us in total. There was one guy in the group who I knew liked me early on, and I was interested too. We started dating in our first year, and to be honest, it felt really nice. A great group of friends, an amazing guy, and studies going good; what more can you ask for?

"But by the time we reached our third and final year of classes, the wheels of our relationship started to fall off. He had a big angry streak, and I didn't like it. He never physically hurt me, but I didn't want to wait for a potential moment for that to happen.

"To keep the group intact, I made the decision to break up with him after we graduated, so our group wouldn't be too affected. Needless to say, it didn't work 'cause he tried to gaslight me and our friends who defended me.

"I won't go into details, but it ended so badly that I had to get a restraining order against him, and my entire group fell apart. None of us talk anymore. But it hurt more that I had to sacrifice a really good group of people because a man couldn't take 'no' for an answer."

— Geena (she/her)

"I used to go to a gym in Subang Jaya after work for a few years. Obviously there's that stereotype that 'all gay men go to the gym', so I just minded my business half the time to not draw attention to myself from other men.

"But after a while, there was one guy who I could tell just always watched me do everything I did. I never interacted with him and never talked to him.

"Unfortunately for me, one day when I went into a bathroom stall to pee, he followed me in. After I was done, I looked above the stall and saw he had been recording me as I peed. Of course I was stunned, so I yelled. He immediately ran out of the locker before I could put my pants on to chase and confront him.

"I reported the incident to the gym's management but this was in 2009 with little security in place and nothing else to be verified. I stayed at the gym for another six months to try and find the guy, but I never did. I discontinued my membership after that and have never been to a gym since.

"It still sends a chill up my spine today. My worst fear is if it was secretly circulated. All I can hope for is that, since it was so long ago, if it ever were to resurface, people would know that I was taken advantage of."

— Sean (he/him)

"I once met this guy. On the first meet-up, he gave me a really off-putting vibe. So, I kinda knew this wasn't a friendship or relationship I wanted to pursue. He would say a lot of strange things like how past girls have lodged police reports against him to protect themselves. My alarm bells immediately started ringing.

"After he left, he started to text me non-stop and message me on every platform — almost to the point of spamming me. I replied with one word answers initially and eventually told him that this wasn't gonna work out.

"Unfortunately, it didn't end there. He continued to message and send me things. I don't like to 'ghost' people, but in the end, I had to 'ghost' him and eventually block him.

"I have a process of handling these situations: be upfront or honest. If you don't take it, then I have to 'ghost' or block you. Worse case scenario: lodge a police report and inform my friends or family for safety."

— Marcia (she/her)

"I met this guy by name in a social setting, but we had zero interaction. One day at work, I received an anonymous text from a dummy Instagram account. He mentioned a name that I recalled from the social setting. In his text, he said he saw me buying coffee somewhere near my workplace, which was located at a dodgy area.

"Initially, I didn't give much thought to it until he started sending me DMs frequently and aggressively. I would block him, but he would relentlessly create new accounts. The worst part was that I had to keep my Instagram account public for work purposes.

"I knew that replying to him and giving him any reaction, whether good or bad, would satisfy him. Therefore, I chose not to respond and just kept blocking him until one day, he stopped for good."

— Laura (she/her)

"During my university days, there was this guy who was very interested in being my friend. We overlapped in courses and took all the same subjects, so safe to say that we were in all of the same classes, something I didn't notice at first.

"Over time, I felt his 'friendliness' getting a bit too persistent — wanting to sit next to me in class, sharing notes with me when he noticed I wasn't in class even though I didn't ask for it, and randomly coming to sit next to me in the cafeteria with my clique of friends when nobody invited him.

"I used to frequently post Instagram stories to my account in real time, and I started to notice that he'd show up wherever I was, even if it was on opposite sides of the Klang Valley, and act as though we just randomly bumped into each other. After, like, the fifth time, I confronted him and he flat out denied it, saying that it was just a coincidence.

"One day, I decided to put this perception to the test. A friend of mine was at a café in Bangsar, and I was at home. My friend sent me a picture he took while in the café without revealing himself in it. I took that story and posted it on my account, feigning my presence there. Low and behold, he turned up there.

"I DM-ed him on Instagram and told him to come clean, and he said he just wanted to be my friend. I told him that if he really wanted to be my friend, he could have just asked me in person, we literally are in every class together. 

"I told him to leave me alone, then blocked him. I don't know what happened to him after that, cause he disappeared off the face of the Earth and stopped showing up for classes. Sometimes, I sit and wonder about what happened to him, but I put myself first and I'll never regret doing that."

— Arif (he/him)

"I'm not sure if this is necessarily stalking, but I'd always take the bus home every day after work. I work in Kuala Lumpur and the journey is pretty long for me to head home to Kelana Jaya. One guy always stood out to me, being on the same bus I was on every single day. At first, I didn't think much of it because of the route, and how many people who take the same journey have the same method of transportation.

"One day, I noticed after I got out of the bus, he watched me as I walked away. My house is about a five-minute walk away from the bus stop, so I normally just walk home. Another time, he got off the bus at my stop and just stayed there as I walked. 

"Everything changed a few days after that. As I was walking home, I saw that he was following me. I panicked and walked fast. Thankfully, I got back home in time and there were others who lived with me. 

"After that, when I get to the bus stop close to my house after work, I book Grabs even though it's a short distance. There's no amount of money in the world that can buy my safety anymore, so I don't mind spending that RM5."

— Heidi (she/her)

"When I was in Form 2, I used to attend those big tuition centres that had classes for all the different subjects and all the different levels of schooling. At one point, while waiting to be picked up to go home by the centre's transport van, I noticed that a certain boy was always staring at me. I had no idea who he was and he never said anything to me, so I just ignored it. Let's call him Jon.

"One day, I got a call on my house phone, from a boy I didn't know. When I asked who he was, he said, 'I'm Jon's friend, your future brother-in-law'. I asked who Jon was and I could hear laughing on the other end of the phone and the boy telling someone, 'Bro, she doesn't even know who you are!'. He hung up after that. The next day at tuition, Jon came up to me, introduced himself, and asked me to me his girlfriend. In my head I was like 'What?! I don't even know you', but in reality, I kinda just froze and didn't say anything.

"From then on, Jon hounded me every day, pestering me to be his girlfriend. He'd wait for me after tuition, and he and his friends would constantly call my home phone. I had no idea how he got my number 'cause I never gave it to him. He even got people I know to pressure me into saying yes to him. Eventually, I told him we should get to know each other more and see how it goes, but he somehow took that as me agreeing to be his girlfriend.

"Things got worse after that. He'd follow me everywhere during tuition, forcing me to hold his hand. He'd stand outside my tuition class and watch me, to make sure I wasn't interacting with other boys. On days when I had classes and he didn't, he'd get his friends to watch me instead. He'd get mad if I even talked to my cousin, who attended the same tuition centre as well. He also forced me to talk on the phone with him every day, and would keep calling repeatedly until I answered.

"I was really, really emotionally affected by all this but I didn't know what to do. And to top it all off, I was quite chubby at the time, so I had people around me telling me I was lucky to even have a guy who was interested in me and attracted to me in the first place, and I should hold on to him 'cause I might not get another chance. So, I just put up with everything.

"The final straw for me was when he kissed me on the cheek against my will. I know it sounds like a small thing, but I felt really violated by it. I made up my mind that day, called him, and said that I wanted to 'break up'. I never considered us as being together, but since he did, I tried to frame it according to his terms. He was angry and blamed me for wasting his time, but surprisingly agreed to the 'break up' pretty quickly. Though after that, he spread some damaging rumours about me.

"A year later, I was playing pool with a friend of mine and some of Jon's friends must have been at the same place too, 'cause Jon found out about it. The next day in school, some juniors of mine came up to me and told me Jon wanted to know who the guy I was with was and what I was doing with him. I told them to tell Jon it was none of his business.

"Thankfully, I didn't hear from him or see him again after that. Even now, years later, he still sometimes tries to add me on Facebook, but I always just delete his request."

— Amirah (she/her)