"Kids Shouldn't Be An Investment" — Malaysians Share Reasons Why They Don't Want Children
It's not always about finances.
By Tamara Jayne — 17 Nov 2022, 02:56 PM
Times are changing.
Unlike previous generations, people are less inclined to fulfil societal norms, like settling down and having kids — and that's okay.
Whether you choose to have children or not, it's completely up to you.
Regardless of what society tells you to do, or what your parents or friends say you should do, at the end of the day, the main person who has to deal with the decision — is you.
It's not as simple as just not wanting kids either. Some people may want children but there are other factors to consider that lead to the choice of not having them.
We spoke with several Malaysians who have decided not to have children and here are their reasons why:
1. "I'm at the point in my life where I just want to live my best life and not have to worry about another human being"
"They're expensive, incredibly needy, and require a lot of attention. Which is what I am. So I don't think I can take care of another version of myself. I'm at the point in my life where I just want to live my best life and not have to worry about another human being who's dependent on me."— Banana, 24
2. "I do not believe in the previous generation's dated expectations of: 'children will carry on my lineage or are an investment to take care of me when I'm old.' That's very presumptuous — a child's love, life, or time should not be for barter."
"There are so many reasons why I do not want kids. First of all, it's because I would much rather learn how to take care of myself properly, than to simply bring up another human being.
"Secondly, I also believe that all mental health issues stem from childhood; so I do not take parenting lightly. Kudos to all the awesome parents out there, but causing trauma is not my cup of tea.
"Thirdly, I do not believe in the previous generation's dated expectations of: 'children will carry on my lineage or are an investment to take care of me when I'm old'. That's very presumptuous — a child's love, life, or time should not be for barter.
"Lastly, children are a financial burden, pregnancy will take a toll on my body, and there are already too many people in the world anyway." — MV, 28
3. "Watching other millennial parents raise the kids they had because it was societal norm is slightly horrifying, and I probably wouldn't do any better"
"I can't find any non-narcissistic reasons to have a child of my own. And when I've asked other people why I should have one, they mostly don't have an answer either. Some are even stumped for a second.
"I don't feel comfortable to parent a child with my partner. I'm also busy reparenting myself from my difficult upbringing. And barely coping.
"Plus, I am not willing to share the little bit of money I don't even have to begin with. I have plenty of kids around me to take care of. That's more than enough for me.
"Watching other millennial parents raise the kids they had because it was societal norm is slightly horrifying, and I probably wouldn't do any better, so best to just duduk diam diam and live my life contributing to society in other ways." – Amy Fowler, 36
4. "If I'm not able to devote 100% to kids, it's better to not have them at all"
"I've known for a long time that I don't want kids. You know how we used to play those games to predict our future in school last time? Like who's your husband, how many kids will you have, what car will you drive, etc. Even then, I would only put zero and low numbers like one or two as options.
"So, even from an early age, I knew that I didn't want a big family. As I got older, that conviction got stronger and I eventually knew for sure that I don't want kids at all. I have nothing against kids, it's not like I hate them or anything. In fact, I love playing with my friends' kids! I just don't want the responsibility of raising one myself.
"I know for a fact that I'm too selfish to be able to properly raise kids. I don't want to give up my current lifestyle and freedom, nor do I want the financial burden that comes with kids. I think that if I'm not able to devote 100% to kids, it's better to not have them at all.
"If I had any, I know that a part of me would resent them for me not being able to live my life the way I want to, and that's a horrible mentality to have as a parent. People keep telling me that I'll change my mind if and when I get married in the future, but I doubt it. I'm perfectly happy being the cool aunt to all my friends' kiddos, hehe." — Gowri, 30
5. "I think people want kids to satisfy their own desires, not thinking about what their kid's purpose is"
"I've never had the paternal instinct and I don't agree with the norm of having kids just for the sake of having kids. People tend to do it thinking it's the progression of marriage and some even think that you only get married to have kids.
"I think people want kids to satisfy their own desires, not thinking about what their kid's purpose is. Whenever I ask others why they want kids, they either reply, 'Hmmm I never really thought about that' or 'Oh, because having kids is so nice. I don't know, just something about them' — very inconclusive reasons.
"I always hear of so many cons of having kids:
– sacrifice career,
– no more money,
– no more time to spend with loved ones and friends,
– no time to enjoy being newly married,
– no sleep,
– parents saying passive aggressive things like 'please take my kids away, no I'm just kidding, kids are a delight, but seriously take them'." — Jon, 30
6. "Apart from having to be financially stable to have kids, a person would also need to be mentally and emotionally strong"
"Firstly, I do not see myself pushing one out because damn that looks like torture. I also don't feel like I'll be a good parent to my children. Apart from having to be financially stable to have kids, a person would also need to be mentally and emotionally strong.
"Most parents have kids before they're ready, then end up being horrible parents. Definitely respect those who are ready to have kids and have them." — Jen, 24
7. "I don't think I am selfless enough to support them all the way to adulthood. I have my own long-term goals and dreams I want to accomplish, and I think, by having kids, I'll have no choice but to delay all of those."
"I love kids. But it's a life commitment, you know?
"I don't think I am selfless enough to support them all the way to adulthood. I have my own long-term goals and dreams I want to accomplish, and I think, by having kids, I'll have no choice but to delay all of those. I mean, isn't it selfish if I put my goals first, and my kids second? That's not fair to them at all.
"People say, 'Oh, why not just have one kid?' But then, the child will have no siblings at all. And I wouldn't want my child not to have siblings.
"But, basically, I'm not completely opposed to the idea of having kids. Who knows, maybe I'll change my mind when I'm older." — Sam, 24
8. "Having children used to be a need for business continuity, strict traditions and religions, and also a natural role for women to take up since they had less access to education and career opportunities... but that's a personal choice now"
"I initially did not want kids because of a medical condition, but I came to realise that having kids also meant devoting your entire life to them, and I'm not ready to do that.
"Like it or not, you are a mother before anything else for at least 18 to 21 years of your child's life, and I am not ready to give up those years for a child when I have so many more areas in life I'm invested in: my family, partner, friends, pets, career, other societies in need, even my own goals, and hobbies.
"Having children used to be a need for business continuity, strict traditions and religions, and also a natural role for women to take up since they had less access to education and career opportunities. But in the era and community I grew up in, having children is now more of a personal choice than anything – be it self-fulfilment, love, happiness — and it's just not a choice I prefer." — Rene, 25
9. "Having a child isn't important to me as other priorities in life"
"Raising a child can be really expensive and I'd rather put my money elsewhere. Having a child isn't important to me as other priorities in life, at least that's my mentality now." — Farhan, 26
10. "I realised it's not about having enough finances or having support, I just don't want to be a parent"
"Never had the urge to. I can describe it as – 'For parents who wants to have kids, they felt like they are destined to, and that's how I feel about NOT having kids.'
"Initially, it was more of 'I don't like kids or babies' in general. I don't feel attracted to them, or want to care for them. After I got married, my husband and I put having children on hold because:
1. We weren't financially ready,
2. There isn't any support – my parents don't live near, so there's no one we can rely on to take care of a baby, and
3. We are both very invested in work mentally and have been working late nights.
"But after some time, I realised it's not about having enough finances or having support, I just don't want to be a parent." — Diana, 32
11. "I believe future lives will be even more stressful"
"I cannot guarantee my kids can have a better life than me.
"I believe future lives will be even more stressful with climate change, overpopulation, and persistent racial inequities." — Anna, 36
